The 5 Love Languages
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Although the book “the 5 languages of love.” by Gary Chapman was published more than a decade ago, I find the book as relevant today as it was when it was published. The main objective of the book is to enable every human know that every human being has a love language that makes her or him to feel that she or he is truly loved. For some people, they feel this when they speak kind words to their partners through words of affirmation, while for others it is when their partners snuggle up on them this being an expression of physical touch. According to Chapman, the five love languages include: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Chapman says that each individual has a primary love language that they react to in a stronger manner than when he reacts to the other love languages. For instance, women tend to feel physical touch more lovely than just mere appreciation unlike men who might feel a bit happier if praised on the projects he is currently working on than when he is cuddled.
According to the book, once a person has identified which best form of communication he can use for example; with his partner, then it becomes easier for him to express what he wanted to pass across. For partners, it then becomes easier for them to express their love for each other in a way that the other partner understands. I have had the experience of the concept of the love languages. I was able to sit down and go through with my partner on the love languages and we chose which one made us feel more appreciated than the rest. But surprisingly, I found out that the love language that caught me to my nerves the most was not one of the five and this made me identify my own love language which is acts of thoughtfulness.
Acts of thoughtfulness is when your lover does something that you did not expect which is an expression that she or he has spent some time and thought into the action. For instance, I once traveled on road from California to Idaho to visit my grandma. As I prepared to start my journey, my girlfriend came and gave me several wrapped packages together with an envelope and gave me instructions. She told me not to read the instructions till I stopped to refill gas on my car. She had already calculated the distance I would travel in miles, she had also calculated the amount of gas that the car would consume based on the number of miles per gallon and so she knew where I would stop to refill. I opened one gift every time I stopped for gas which included: new music cd or home made chocolate. Along with these presents there was a post card which was addressed to her and prestamped and contained multiple choice questions about our friendship. I was therefore made to fill in the answers and send it back to her. If I got all the answers right, I would be given another gift upon my return!
That, I presumed, took her a long time to think about it and plan it, but above it all, that simple act made me love her more than ever. The long stress associated with long distance traveling had soon turned into an adventure and this made me think about her in the entire trip and what she had done to me. She was able to communicate her feelings in a not so common manner yet I found the message so significant than the many times she had told me that she loves me. Through such acts, I was able to appreciate her thoughtful acts.
I was also able to identify acts of thoughtfulness as such small things that make life to appear more pleasant for those who live around you. The communication does not necessarily have to be through talking but one can attain his or her objective of passing the information. For example, the same lover and I used to go to watch movies in a particular theatre and one day just before we began watching the movie, she told me she did not like the theatre because of the armrest because they were too hard and scored her arms. She had communicated to me in an efficient manner that I best understood and from that day onwards, I would put my arm to act as her cushion to rest on. That made me appreciate the importance of communicating which Chapman in his book ‘the 5 languages of love” stresses.
My partner could see that I have a headache and without asking her to, she might come and rub my head or bring some pain killers. This is an act of thoughtfulness. Where as I love the concept of the five love languages, I think that the sixth love language should be included which is the act of thoughtfulness. To his credit, however, Chapman points out that there could be several hodialects to each of the love languages he talks about. The five love languages begins by telling the reader how many people once they get married feel their love deteriorating and most couples decide on divorce. Thus from chapter one, it makes the reader to understand the love languages of his lover which are so essential for maintaining the relationship. Once a person has understood how to pass the information in life to the targeted audience, then no complexities will be involved.
The five love languages that Chapman explains include: (1) words of affirmation: he explains that actions don’t always speak louder than words and for those couples who this is their love language, unsolicited comments mean the world to them. For instance, hearing the words “I love you” are very important because when one hears the reason behind that love it spends his spirit skyward. Insults can leave one shattered and are not easily forgotten. (2)Quality time: when put in a simple language, quality time does not man anything else apart from full attention that is undivided. When one avails himself or herself for that type of person at the right time, he feels so good. Quality time means achieving what was meant to be achieved and includes turning the TV off and leaving all chores and tasks on stand by, which makes the other party feel very significant and very special and truly loved. Failure to listen and distraction can really hurt. (3) Receiving gifts: this must not be mistaken for materialism because the gifts thrive on thoughtfulness, love and the effort behind the gift. This language shows that the receiver is known and appreciated. So one should not forget to buy presents on birth days or any anniversaries as this would be disastrous. (4)physical touch; this is not all about the bedroom, this should make couples to be very touchy which includes, pats on the back, hugs, holding hands and thoughtful touches on the shoulder or face or arms show excitement, love, care and concern. Physical presence is very important while abuse and neglect are destructive. (5) Acts of service: helping others in carrying out daily chores that can serve to ease the burden of responsibilities on the person. Laziness, broken commitment and creating more work for them serve to break morale.
`So in general, the most important thing is to pass information in a correct manner and this serves to get the required response. Even at work place, information flow in correct channels is very important. On top of the chapters that Chapman has discussed on the five love languages, he includes on the back of the book questionnaires for men and women that helps them identify and rank the five love languages from the least to the most important. Chapman slowly leads the reader into they the reader stands in the love languages. Some of the topics in the book cover such topics as love after wedding and highlights that help keep the relationship strong. Chapters are categorized by love language so that it allows easy reference and each ends with simple specific steps to express specific language.
Communication involves more than one writes or speaks. Effective communication could be facilitated by use of good eye contact, keen analysis of non-verbal signals and use of tonal partition to reinforce the message. Communication occurs in the daily lives of every one intentionally or unintentionally. For me, communication enables me to interact with different people for different reasons and as a result, communication differs from situation to situation. Effective communication skills will really helpmeet to be more presentable in the manner I present myself. For instance, in case I will be admitted for a job interview, the chances of getting myself hired are very minimal in case I don’t communicate effectively. Effective communication skills together with paper qualifications will enable one to secure position in the working world. The communication skills that I apply when interacting with my friends is different form what I will apply for an interview. Through communication, I will be able to differentiate between friends who will help me in times of need and the hi-bye friends.
Other than bonding, communication will assist me in tutoring others. Tutoring requires that there is an effective communication because it helps that those you tutor have to understand what you say very accurately. Without effective communication, the students that I tutor will not be able to understand what I educate them and they will be able to clarify their doubts. More importantly, good communication will ensure that I get good grades in school and this explains the major importance of communication. On top of that, effective communication will enable me keep the closeness and bonding with the eons that I love. I will be freely communicating with my mom and hence I can tell her how I love her and things that seem to bother me. According to me, bonds with family members should never be broken and therefore knowing how to communicate efficiently is important in strengthening ties and reducing the chances of hurting others.
Good communication skills are no only going to be useful to me while am in school. Since organizations world wide are becoming more diverse by hiring work force from all over, I will be forced to be in a position to communicate with people from different places, sex, age and color. In the 21st century, teams are the modus operandi at workplace. In a survey that was carried recently, a very high percentage reported that their firms use teams and teams revolve about communication. The collaboration that makes it possible for them to capitalize on the creative potential of diversified workforce lies on communication.
Over the years, America has been transformed and has become one of the most diverse societies the earth has. One is going to find him or herself in a culturally diverse organizational setting whether it is based on sex, race ethnicity physical abilities, religion or gender. This therefore calls for efficiency in communication. Problems that organization faces include difficulties in forms of communicating. In order for an organization to overcome this problem, each one of us misunderstand the cultural differences and to effectively communicate in order to resolve conflicts with those who are different from ourselves. Well paying jobs involve those one that involve getting large bodies of people to perform what you want them to accomplish. Effective communication with employees or employers in a company will enable achieving of bottom line objectives and business interaction. As a manager, I will posses good communication skills that will enable me to direct the actions of my employees and will also help me to become a better manager of my self and for my organization as well. When the listener you are addressing views you as dependable, knowledgeable and reliable, the message that you send is most like going to be received but the message will be discounted if we seem incredible to the receiver of the message. As a result, successful companies must continue establishing understanding and support of its services, products and potions among the public that is important to its welfare.
As a health care provider, in effective communication at the expense of incompetence prevents the doctor from conveying to the patient his view on the illness. For instance, a doctor may be experienced and knowledgeable but since they cannot communicate with the patient, the patient might feel neglected and this may make the patient look for an alternative doctor. Therefore a good health care giver who has the ability of putting patients at ease with comforting words and gestures can be a great asset to the company. A professional teacher, who is in a position to communicate well with his or her students, can inspire them to actively participate in class. A sales person needs good communication skills because he is entrusted with responsibility of convincing the prospective buyer about the goodness of a product.
When dealing with personal issues inline, communication is very important. In cases where one is in a relationship with another, communication is what keeps the relationship burning. The fact that one can talk is not just enough to guarantee effective communication. As a relationship grows and matures, and it deepens, the lovers may start thinking about children. Once one becomes a parent, he is faced with the difficulty of trying to communicate with his teenage children in advising them on best ways to live. If a parent wants to advice his son or daughter to avoid drug indulgence, he must pass the message in a manner that will enable the kid to understand it rather than being forced. In order to work with others in an office, function at school or interaction with people in a given situation, communications important. If we have good communication skills, we can be in a better position of getting new friends and being happier because we can express ourselves freely. Therefore, in the life of human beings, communication is very vital
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